You’re a foodie. It’s a recession. You’re broke. What to do? Sean Crespo introduces you to three who found a better way — or, at least, a way.
Given our dire economy, foodies used to expensive nights at our finest restaurants haven’t been this screwed since the time of cholera, as strapped budgets and rising costs force gourmands into eateries that once would have been anathema to their precious and dainty taste buds. City Scoops talked to three prominent Manhattan foodies who were tragically affected by the financial collapse, to find out how — and where — they were able to maintain their exacting culinary standards on such limited funds.
Meet Miles
“I’m 32, divorced, and I don’t have any kids. Well, not that I know of! Heh heh!” quipped this lifelong foodie who lost his VP of High Risk Investments position at Citibank last year. Tragically, Miles ran through his multimillion-dollar firing bonus a bit too quickly, and now can’t afford to eat at the restaurants he used to. Never the quitter, this former financier immediately scouted for more affordable replacements. Miles’ favorite new lunchtime getaway? A little Italian bistro called Sbarro. Found in only 78 greater metropolitan locations, Miles swears by this intimate, family-owned eatery.
FAVORITE DISH: “Hands down, their ‘Parmigiana Pollo’ plate. In case you don’t speak fluent Italian, that translates literally to ‘Chicken Parm.’ It’s a not-so-well-known style of cheese-intensive cooking called ‘Parmagiano,’ from the deep-fried food family. I’m really only now forced to appreciate it even though I spent a year doing an elective post-graduate course in Lombardy, where Parmesan actually comes from. But I have to say, after speaking to the sous chef at the Sbarro on 33rd and Seventh — I think his name was Juan — Sbarro’s recipe for Parmigiana Pollo comes very close in quality to the source meal. There are a few small differences, of course. In Italy, the chicken wasn’t deep fried, or dipped in a cheese trough, or placed between two slabs of gargoyle-hard garlic bread …but the spirit remains the same, right?”
Meet Cylar
Former Lehman Brothers executive Cylar, preparing for a delicious meal at his favorite new eatery.
“Let’s see. I’m 25, divorced, no kids. Well, not that I’ve heard of. Har har!” joked the former Lehman Brothers Senior Director of Creative Investments, whose sense of humor is serving him well in these dark days. After departing the world of finance with a hefty early retirement package, Cylar used the money to open a high-end pub called “Bastards.” Since it catered mostly to cutting-edge investors, the nation’s financial collapse quickly placed Bastard’s $50 aperitifs and $100 drink specials out of his patrons’ tight new budgets, and it closed within the first hour. Luckily, he’s not letting that get in the way of his love for good food. In fact, from the amount of time Cylar spends in his new favorite eatery, Aisle 4, you’d never know he missed Bastards at all. Cylar describes Aisle 4 as a sort of “restaurant within a restaurant,” located as it is within the Pioneer grocery store on 74th and Columbus.
FAVORITE DISH: “Carbs. No question. I’m absolutely obsessed with them. It’s my new ‘thing.’ Plus, since I sold my fridge for parts, meats and produce spoil pretty fast. Lucky for me though, bread, pasta, onion ring crumble…they never go bad. I have a little joke about my new favorite food — I refer to myself as a ‘carbosseur.’ Get it? Instead of connoisseur? Anyway, I have a special deal at Aisle 4. I can eat pretty much anything I want, as long as I put it in my bag before I reach the check-out line. Then all I have to do is walk out through the loading dock. It’s amazing. Last night, I had this new French dish I discovered called ‘De Pain et Moutarde,’ or, ‘mustard sandwich’ in the vulgar. It’s described by the French as ‘an open-faced condiment-focused classic’ which you’ll find in any great boulangerie. In fact, it’s considered a delicacy in the modeling world. I’ve lost 35 pounds since I started eating them.”
Meet Bernie
“I gotta make this fast. Lunch is soon, and the 10th Street Barrio Boys are very strict about not letting new guys get a seat if you’re late,” says Bernie, a financial wizard who just signed a very long lease on exotic new digs in North Carolina.
Here’s Bernie.
“I’m 71, married — though no conjugal — and also, I have two wonderful, completely innocent children who had nothing to do with anything,” japed the wickedly funny founder of an impossibly successful investment firm. Coincidentally, Bernie’s securities LLC recently became a key player in President Obama’s bailout program, which means that this former diner of delicacies is now bombarded with state-approved luncheons. Yukarooney!
“Today we’re having Corn Mash. Again,” he says. “With something the cook labeled ‘Steak Food. It’s like, ‘Orange Drink.’ But this is ‘Steak Food.’ I guess legally they had to mention it was technically, scientifically ‘food,’ or it couldn’t be considered such. Which is funny, ’cause I’m kinda in this place right now for not doing the financial equivalent. So if I’d just not had the word ‘investor’ on my letterhead, I wouldn’t be here, right?”
Oh. Abso…Yes.
FAVORITE DISH: “Anything solid. The thing they don’t tell you about the food served on the inside is that everything is pureed. Everything. It’s a foodie’s worst nightmare. It’s like some well-meaning bureaucrat found out about French cooking at the dawn of electricity and went le Ape Shit.”
We’re salivating already!
“No. That’s bad. Everything’s milky and wet. You shouldn’t be able to drink your entrée.”
Not without a straw!
“That’s…that’s really funny. You know what’s also funny? The fact that if you don’t keep an eye out for who’s on slop duty, you could wind up with ground glass in your goddamn soup. You ever see a guy die from glass in his belly? Have you? I have. Haven’t even been here a year and I’ve seen it three times. Three. God.”
Well, it’s good things that come in threes, right?
“Yeah. Good things. Say…you hungry? I’m on slop duty tonight.”
We just ate. Thanks though.
“Suit yourself. But if you change your mind, I’m not going anywhere.”
So we heard.
Last 5 posts by Sean Crespo
- The Big Bizarro-Enviro Apple - March 31st, 2010
- Where the Wild Things Speedwalk - July 8th, 2009
